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rejection within a relationship...

I have a sneaking suspicion that it's me. That I am " what's not right".I have a personality flaw that just seeps through the surface making my appearance hideous, if only to me. Not to say that I have not had my moment's of elevated self esteem where I feel as if I too can see the beauty in my reflection. But that is but a fleeting moment in time where I let myself fall into my own fictional fantasy, flirting with illusions of grander within myself, with my reflection. *Can vanity and happiness really Coexisist?*

I know it may possibly be the "borderline" speaking, but it does not phase me. The thoughts still linger within.


Every one will leave you the end. They will move on, find some one worth while,betray you in more way's than you could have even imagined, or just disappear. The point I am trying to make is how can some one really protect them self from such an occurance. There are option's there alway's are. A few maybe; seclude your self from the out side world, keep your self within your self and never let any one close. But this to can fail when you are the one you are trying to leave in the end.

Elizabeth wurtzel once wrote " how can you get away from what never goes away".

How can you really get away from your self when YOU never go away?

Answer is you can not unless you die.

And that is just to dramatic of an option for me at least, I have dabbled with thought's of suicde even attempted it but now death scare's me more than it comforts me.

I have my walls up for my protection.

Is there really some one out there worth tearing them down for? I hope.

Every action feel's like a personal attack on me, ignore weather there is any truth to this statement because feelings do not have to be true to be felt.

Burden that word pops up alot in my mind, it's reoccurring thought in my adolescence, which has creapt it's way in to my early 20s. It consumes my family relationship with me.

"Every thing was just fine until you showed up to ruin it like always"- my mother & father. This has been said so many time's it's etched into my mind.

*sigh*

Am I really " what's not right" ?

I like him.

He is different than the rest but actions combined with words can tear down what's left of me.

My wall is up.

Will HE be the one to tear it down?

Or will it play out like every thing else does in my life.

Time will tell...
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Killing Loneliness
Need to get started on my work for FSCJ I even woke up early to do it and I can NOT focus! I am so freakin' annoyed I have never been this distracted, "it's like oh look a fly" . Damn my A.D.D. to hell stupid Dr... Yay for stomach aches and dis-tractability,insomnia + sleepy.Doc you win absolutely nothing stupid bitch. Sorry had to rant now back to tying to do my online orientation. If you got lost in that dumb ass doc put me on an A.D.D pill from hell.
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me now

Hi the name is -> sassha . I am 21 Years Young ... Dominican. empathetic by nature. A Miami Native (305) I currently reside in Jacksonville,fl I have lived here for the past four yrs still getting used to it.


I am maturing allot as a person and making a positive change with my life, which means staying away from mind altering substances. I am trying to better myself so even though it took me a while as I am extremely stubborn and I've had that mentality that nothing can hurt me which is extremely ignorant in itself, I see this now. I am not perfect, I am no where near it. I've made mistakes made excuses but that's the past now I am just looking forward towards the future.
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bleh

I love duierects! I know I should not take them often and I wont because damn they make me feel drained but there seems to be some results. Goal weight well first goal weight is 160. right now I am 178...
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damn

still struggling to lose weight...
Quit smoking, well got about two weeks now.
Trying to go veg.
Starting summer term hopefully, waiting on financial aid..

I want to lose weight!
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Writer's Block: Roommate from Hell

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Have you ever had a nightmarish roommate? What made you incompatible? How did you eventually resolve your conflicts?
Oh God yes she was a high school friend which I had lost contact with, it was horrible got over charged monthly and had to deal with her psychotic mood swings. At first she told me she left her abusive boyfriend but two weeks later he returned to the living arrangement, fights constantly come to find out she is the abuser! Uses their child against him, she had just turned into a straight up bitch. Plus the fact the cops made several visits for the their fighting, I never thought I d say this but some times a woman deserves to get hit. Also she had become so judgmental while living with her I found out I was pregnant and she would bring it up all the time don't do this or that you pregnant as if I forgot. Way to much to handle my decision to terminate the pregnancy also ended the friendship amongst other things. I wish her only the worst, be warned when getting room mates that are couples.
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books

<select ... > <option ... >I love to Read <3 Here are some of my faves...</option>
<option ... >More Now And Again BY Elizabeth Wurtzel~</option>
<option ... >Running With Scissors BY Augusten Burroughs~</option>
<option ... >Magical Thinking: True Stories BY Augusten Burroughs</option>
<option ... >Dead until dark BY Charline Harris~</option>
<option ... >Dry BY Augusten Burroughs ~ </option>
<option ... >PROZAC NATION by Elizabeth Wurtzel</option>
<option ... >Requiem for a dream BY Hubert Selby JR~</option>
<option ... >The Heroin Diaries BY Nikki Sixx~</option>
<option ... >Go Ask Ogre: Letters from a Death rock Cutter
by Jolene Siana</option>
<option ... > go ask alice</option>
<option ... > Tiger eyes by Judy Blume</option>
<option ... > Tales of the fourth grade nothing by Judy Blume</option>
<option ... > Goosebumbs by. R.L Stien</option>
<option ... > Fear street by. R.L Stien</option>
<option ... > Interview with a vampier by Ann Rice</option>
<option ... >Impulse by Elenn Hopkins</option>
<option ... > The ousiders by S.E. Hilton</option>
<option ... > Internet Band Slash*Yaoi*</option>
<option ... > Music magazines</option>
<option ... > Gossip magazines</option>
<option ... > BIOGRAPHY/ AUTOBIOGRAPHY</option>
<option ... > Crime/Law/psychology Books</option>
<option ... > Suspenese/non fiction</option>
<option ... > And some times fiction it depends.</option> a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'>myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics..myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics...
</select>




Basically I love to read If you know of any books I may be intresed in or you enjoyed your self please tell me (via comment/message).

I Love Reading Pictures, Images and Photos
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Writer's Block: It's Never Too Early...

Black Friday is the unofficial kickoff to the holiday shopping season. When are you planning on beginning your holiday shopping?


going shopping on black friday of course with my mommie and wonderful sister <3
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fasting

Start a three day fast tmwr. Hoping for good results. I have not had a good fast in ages. weight loss here I come <3
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blahness

Well I am headed home now, I still don't have a new phone which sucks. Matt said he might be able to take me to sprint when his car starts working again. I just have to pay him back the $50 whemn my money comes in.
Other than that I am doing okau I feel dizy like really fucking dizy. Dieting is hard work I messed up so much this week end that I will make myself diet even harder for my slip ups .
I haven't had any calorie today and it's 6pm, I'll have some thing to drink when I get home and possibly a granola bar.

Well ttyl

Peace, Love and Empathy. <3 Sassha...
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